Hurtling through Space

Bluetooth Haikus

10 December 2017

My watch refused to pair with my phone earlier this week. It was late and I was frustrated, a bit tired, and delirious. I wrote some haikus describing the frustration of Bluetooth, counting out syllables on my fingers and laughing harder at each attempt at being witty.

Looking at them now on a good night’s sleep with a cup of coffee, I’m not so sure what I was thinking.

Haikus

Insanity is:
Turning it off and on and
expecting to pair.

Turns it off and on
“Ok, it should connect now.”
In hell, the devil laughs.

“Music will fill house!”
“Easier than plugging in!”
Those lying bastards.

I see it active.
Flickering, the icon fades.
Data Transfer Fail

Sync, my pretty, sync.
I see the video stream.
Oh no. Buffering.

There is connection.
No wait, it has disappeared.
Was it ever there?

Heisenconnection:
The icon shows active sync,
but it is lying.

“Bluetooth enabled,
works with all of your gadgets.”
switches bluetooth off

The time zone is wrong…
…wait, why did it not update?
Phone died, watch followed.

Pairing now, please wait
Type in the six digit code
Sorry, incorrect.

Dubstep pounds next door.
My neighbors love blasting beats.
Just not from my phone.

“Bluetooth enabled”
means I need to go buy some
really long cables.

Syncing..., the spinner
twirls carefree, unaware of
the hell it creates.

Cannot find device
It is six inches away.
incoherent screams

And now, a story…

Here’s how to connect:
Step One: power on, click sync.
Step Two: send a file.

Oh? Did that not work?
Go back to step one. Retry.
Oh? Did that not work?

Let’s try this instead:
Hold down the button for ten.
Count it out. One… two…

You wiped the PRAM.
Does it work now? No? Of course,
that was just for fun.

Update your drivers.
I see, they are the latest.
Go back to step one.


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